About staying on ...

     Paul and Silas stayed in the jail, even when the doors had swung open. The earthquake wasn't about them, but the jailer and his family (and us, since we now have the story). A lesson from our children's pastor last Sunday. That's what my kids have been learning for the last few weeks - "It is not about me, but what God is doing in the world." Now, they have NOT learned this. They have trouble even getting  "it is not about me, but about my little brother's good." But if their mom can't learn it, why should they?
     I heard this message and knew it applied perfectly to my current struggle. I really don't like where I live. A fairly low-rent apartment complex is not a great place to homeschool or live. I long for woods, a creek, a fenced yard, a tire swing, and places for my kids to play where I do not have to watch them and worry about what the kids and adults around are talking about. I long for a clean place, a place where we might have a nice homeschool space and my husband could work at home in peace. I want to learn to garden and sit on a porch and barbecue and listen to the birds. But that is not where I have been placed.
      I was ever so glad my son was complaining of some ache or other on Sunday and I could excuse myself from the altar on this one. Finding a new place to live is not something I want to give up. I want to keep dreaming dreams that might be realized on this side of heaven. My husband claims that our just being here may be a ministry ... reaching out to the neighbor kids and taking them to church with us on Wednesday nights and simply being a part of the community here. I have more trouble seeing this. I have not begun that neighborhood Bible study I keep thinking about. I am not naturally good at being a verbal witness. The people I have been getting close to keep moving away. I can't seem to hear God's voice on this for myself.
    What I do know is that in the midst of any situation there is peace available. All things will work together for the good of every member of my family. I have no trouble believing that when we are living on the field overseas in any situation. Anyway, there is a peace in knowing that God is good. He is working on something and someone - a plan that is part of His Kingdom. May it come here in this complex and in my heart, and may my heart trust in Him as I wait for His best, even if it means staying on.
   

So, here I am

     What a terrifying thought -me  writing a blog. I remember, just a few years ago, while we were living overseas in a place where many blogs - even certainly this one I am writing today - are often behind the great firewall, talking with my husband about what exactly blogs were. I believe I proudly announced it was a self-centered thing to do, write a blog. Navel gazing. Who wants to just concentrate on their own lives, chronicle the mundane daily  happenings, or even spend their time simmering great thoughts to bring to light for the world on their own blog? But here I am. I wonder if others think as I do - that writing helps them to think through the important minutiae of their lives. Otherwise it all goes unexamined. I still don't have under my foot the exact reason we want to do it publicly. Really, I would be happy to do this for a year before I begin linking up the other parts of my online life, limited as it is. Here I hope to speak to myself, to my God, maybe someday to my friends. I also hope to have a record here of God's goodness in the life of my family. We'll see.